the start

I don't know where to start but I guess I'll start at an end.  Not an end I planned or even one I know how to completely process at the moment.  This blog will chronicle my life as my life takes an unexpected twist, the end of my marriage.  I hope that the entries of struggle and uncertainty are short lived, while the posts of my adventures and fun are many.

The mind reals.  It takes my breath away at times and leaves me feeling empty and broken.  Some moments, I'm sure the entire world can see the cracks in my spirit or the heaviness of my heart.  Like a game of "Operation", is it possible to delicately extract a portion of your life without causing mass trauma to the remaining portion?  I think the answer is no, but I hope that a person can aim to cause as little damage as possible.

I've had the blog started for awhile now, but have been unable to write anything.  There is no good way to tell people your marriage is ending or that they way they have known you is changing.  It's not just that my marriage is ending, it's that the life I have built and cared for along with it is ending too.

Once, I had a life that was created entirely by a person who had a maiden name, but more importantly, a single sense of self.  The changes, compromises and merging of lives alters that, even with the best of intentions or strongest of bonds.  Of course, life has added back in great joys, gifts and adventures.  In this transition going forward, I hope to find that lost sense of self: when I was just a girl with a maiden name.