Absence makes the heart something...

I love opposites as a general idea.  up and down.  sun and snow. dark and light.  near and far.  Opposite have a way of polarizing us, personally and as groups.  So which way do you find yourself leaning?  Are you a person who believes absence makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight is out of mind?  I have always been in the first category without a doubt!

As I assess my life in this new and liberated phase, I recognize that many of my dear friends are scattered across the country and globe.  I think of them often and draw strength, wisdom and a sense of self from each one.  I cherish all my relationships, each forged through time, commitment and experience.  We've weathered the tough times and celebrated the joyous occasions.  I feel blessed to know these amazing people.

I am delighted and lucky to have an upcoming moment of my heart growing fonder.  I know what it means for me.  Having time apart from those we love and care about can be challenging at times, knowing they miss out on day to day life.  However, over the years, I've learned that the separation only influences how much effort and commitment you put into a relationship.  It is a choice and action.

So I guess I have a fonder heart for the absence.  But the return is oh so sweet too.

The Opposite of Love

So my negotiations and documents for my dissolution are complete.  I've spent hours and hours pouring over bank statements, pay stubs, home mortgage paperwork and every other vital document that has been filed or created over the last several years.  I've made lists of assets, bills, accounts and more.  I've played phone tag with my lawyer and sat through many hours of negotiations about the person most dear to me, Molly.

Dividing your life is no simple task.  However, in spending all this time, I understand why the process to dissolve a marriage is as lengthy and tedious as it is-to deter it from happening.  Despite the nature of the process, my choice is confirmed for me again and again.

I was once told that a good divorce is one where neither party is happy as that means that things were divided fairly.  I don't know if I believe that as it makes one large assumption-both parties contributed equally to building a life together.  Regardless, I couldn't be happier with the outcome.  I am willing to let my favorite Dutch Oven go, give up the pennies in a bank account and be responsible for the process of the dissolution, in exchange for a certainty of Molly's happiness, stability, safety and health.

So we have signed all the documents, submitted them to be filed and now must wait.  Wait 90 days to be precise.  Then, someone who has never met me or who knows my story will approve something that has been in my heart for well more than 90 days.

I am often asked how I'm doing or how I feel.  My response is that I feel relief and indifference.  Elie Wiesel said, "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."  I don't harbor hate in my heart and the indifference I feel is confirming and freeing.

90 days and counting.

Date No. 1

Ok.  I've gone on a first date.  A really amazing first date.  It was the result of an instant connection, email conversation and phone chats.  It was romantic, sweet, fun and more wonderful than I could have imagined.  After all the nerves I had about dating, one great evening and a fantastic new friend have wiped them clean.  The following are a few highlights and moments from Date No. 1.

Picking up my date at the ferry terminal
Watching the sunset over Puget Sound
Getting a lane at The Garage
Hitting three strikes in a row
Having my date get my water refilled without even asking
Tasty roasted chicken, vegetables and kale at Oddfellows
A shared frozen custard with plenty of laughs
Exchanging stories over drinks at Ivars
Having perfect (intoxicated) strangers tell us what a connection we share

Date No. 1 renewed my spirit and brought a smile to my face.  Can't wait for Date No. 2!