The Blueprint and The Tidal Chart

A home is more than its walls and window.  It isn't created overnight, but rather slowly over experiences, memories, purposes and time.  The structure of one's life is built, gradually, in the same way.  The good life starts on a solid foundation and grows with purpose much like a house.  I know these building blueprints well and still believe in them, but for now, I've had to put them aside for a more unfamiliar map.  

I am beginning to feel that the new guide I am following is one that more closely resembles a tidal chart.  I think it ill-advised to build a house on a tide flat.  Since I can not change the whole ocean, I must adapt.
I've been aiming my spirit and way of living to be more like water: flexible, going with the flow and adapting to the obstacles in my path by ebb and flow while still remaining tough enough to carve out stone.  A delicate dichotomy.

However, as fluid as I may strive to be, there's just no getting around the fact that imploding an entire life creates chaos.  As if life wasn't hard enough anyway, now I've added a few extra barriers and complications to the long list of everyday tasks and duties.  While this process allows for ample opportunity to plan and make lists, at times I am still left overburdened and fumbling to gain my bearings.  I am challenged by the sheer amount of legal and personal ends I have to tie up.  During these moments, I miss the shelter  and protection that the structure of the blueprinted home provided.

I hope by letting the current events and necessities dictate the ebb of my living and flow of my spirit, I will preserve the things that will rebuild my home on dry land again someday.

The New Maiden Name

It seems that my last name not only causes uncertainty in my own mind, but also confuses those individuals working just about everywhere.  I have found help in their ignorance, lack of spelling skills, inability to not hyphenate everything or hearing deficits.  Since I am constantly forced to confront my last name, I have had plenty of chances to consider it's future.

I now have more clarity on what my "new maiden name" will be.  I will go by Kalnasy Olson to honor who I started out as and who my daughter is now.  I always joked that I was getting a last name upgrade when I got married: simpler spelling and more common.  Now I get to bare my history in every signature, all documents and on every customer service phone call.  I can not go back to who I was before all this and I hope to continue to expand my life after this transition has passed.  I go forward knowing my "new maiden name" will serve me well and bring me spelling nightmares.

Wide Open Spaces and Small Living Quarters

It's wide open spaces ahead of me now.  Last Sunday, Molly and I moved out of our condo and into my mother's house.  While the move is only one and a half geographical miles, the mental and emotional move spans the globe.  I packed up my whole house and life into boxes knowing that it would not come out of those boxes the same way.  We have condensed our living space into a basement, making for cozy, multi-use spaces shared by two crazy chicks.  It's been a mad rush to finish moving, sort out personal effects, ready the condo to put on the market and continue being a working mom at the same time.  Not a day goes by where I don't feel lucky to have the support of my parents and friends during this transition.

Since this has all been a long time coming, I am not racked with the emotional upheaval of the breakup.  However, trying to recollect a life is sometimes like trying to catch the seeds of a dandelion in a wind storm with chopsticks. But like the wind, I have no bounds, except for my new bathroom and closet that just aren't quite big enough.

Words of Wisdom

"Live dynamically, think positively, plan out deliberately, pray ardently, meditate regularly, read daily, achieve homely, correct minutely, grow divinely."

This is a quote about Positive Living that was painted on a wall at a school I visited in Chennai, India while on Semester at Sea Fall 1999.  While the usage of English in some parts of this message may be not be the standard usage, the sentiment is wonderful.  I aim to meditate more regularly in my busy, pressed life.  I will attempt to read daily (something other than the internet and kids books). I continue to work on speaking my wishes to the universe in a open and honest way.  I try to focus on function, purpose and character to be a good role model.  I practice choosing things and people in my life going forward that will bring honesty, positivity, fun and adventure.